the problem isn’t inspiration. it is finding the time to record all the inpiration that you accumulate during your day. or at least sift through it to figure out what is worth jotting down and what is so not worth even the slightest consideration. so many thoughts enter our minds during our waking moments, and any of these thoughts could trigger your creative juices to create the next greatest book to grace the shelves at your local favorite book super store! inspiration can strike at any moment. like…now! or…now! NOW! NOW! or…NOW! or, perhaps, tomorrow. i am too tired…now.
honestly, whomever stated that there is not enough hours in the day was exactomundo. i barely get the kids ready for school and out the door in the morning, scoff down something edible (understatement) and a coffee (delish!), throw in a load of laundry, shower, dress, make a call while getting my crap together before heading out the door. but the problem is that by that time it’s almost lunch and now i’m in the car driving to some destination to do something semi important, and i’m getting hungry. so then, as i am now deciding to detour from my never ending list of stuff to do, i need to go grab a bite to eat, which is now cutting into my stuff to do time. so i eat, and talk on my cell. because i can’t do one without the other. so i’m chewing and chatting. chatting and chewing. chatting and thowing out my garbage. chatting walking out the door. chatting driving. chatting…where am i going? gotta go…bye! lost. oh yeah! post office. first stop by duane reade to buy tape. and m and m’s. arrive at post office to mail box to nephews. put stuff in box. securely. with lots of crumpled newspaper, so nothing gets damaged. all ready to go. loooong line. waiting on line. 1,2,3, i’m fourth. my turn. $14. to mail this little old box?! well, says the nice woman behind the glass, you could use this smaller box. save you $7. ok, that’s a sandwich at panera’s (thinking of food again). get off line. open box. stuff smaller box. get back on line. wait. wait. my turn, again. pay. done. out of there. next! so, basically you know the jist of the day. your day is probably no different. by the time i check off most of the things on my list, it’s time to get home before the kids get home from school. then it’s time to do homework, who has ccd, sports, snack, study, make dinner, shower, brush teeth, say prayers, and whew! here i am on the computer reliving my day in, day out, day in, day out…and when do i find the time for me? well, congrats…i’m spending it punching the keys to tell you i have no time for me. but these 30 or 60 minutes are my time. me, me, me! i love my life. i love our kids. i love my husband, and parents, and friends, and someday i will look back on this time as the best years of my life. it may be monotonous at times, but i’m cherishing every second of it.
i am starting fresh people. fresh. isn’t fresh one of those words where after you type, or for the traditionalists out there hand scribe, you stare at the word because you aren’t certain that it is spelled correctly. then you ponder hitting spell check to check the spelling of the annoying word. fresh. looking at it is bothering me. i should know how to spell this word. it is a simple word that i have probably written thousands of times. yet it is staring me down, taunting me to look it up. go ahead, sucky speller. go! run to your spell check! sell out to speck check! you should know how to spell, you so called writer! hahaha! ok. feeling better. starting that fresh start…right…about…now.
Unfortunately, that’s what I do not have. Patience. I am not very good at waiting. I am horrible at waiting. I try to be patient, but I am too type A. I wish I were like my grandmother. That woman has patience! I love the way she takes everything in stride. She takes her time with anything and everything. She enjoys the moment. She takes it with a grain of salt. She cha-fizzles, as my kids would say. I wish I were like her. But apparently I did not inherit her genes. I know that I can write. I know that I can draw. I am confident. Honestly, if had a choice between patience and confidence, I’d go with the latter. So, I guess I’m good. Ok, now where is the email or letter telling me that I have interest in my books, hmmmm?
The waiting. The checking of the email. The pondering. The contemplating of the unpublished future. The faint footsteps. The clink of the mailbox. The mail’s arrival! The running to the front door and throwing it open! The grabbing of the mail from the box! The tearing through the mail to find a letter from a publishing house! Addressed to me! ME! The ripping open of said letter! The reading of the letter! The reading. The absorbing of every word. Telling me my story is sweet. But. But it is not what they publish at this particular house. Did I know this when I sent it to this editor? Yes. Did I expect her to call my story “sweet”? No, that was a nice surprise! She did not have to handwrite a personal note to me on the form letter, but she did. Cha-ching! I wanted feedback from this senior editor and I got it. Cha-ching! And it was good feedback. Jackpot! I am more than satisfied with my first rejection letter. I actually feet great from a rejection! And I am certain there are more to come. That’s ok. I’m good. Really, I am. Back to my comfy couch, where tonight I will write. I will write, and write, and write. Because it what I do. It’s my thing. I write. I love to write. I really, really love to write.
i am creative. i am full of ideas. i am motivated. i am hungry. no, really. i am hungry all the time. i could go for a cheeseburger right about now. a cheeseburger with a side of fries. not big, fat fries. the skinny ones. and crispy. i don’t care for the soggy ones. and i would also like…oh my. laura, concentrate! i am dedicated. i am artistic. i am focused. focused on a ice cold glass of soda, to go with those skinny, crispy fries. because you can’t have a burger and fries without a soda. although, i always get 1/2 cola and 1/2 seltzer with 1/2 ice in the glass. i have been told many times that i am the first person that has ever asked for that. why? why wouldn’t people ask for that? is it all that strange when you consider that seltzer is already in the soda? its not like i’m asking for 1/2 cola and 1/2 apple juice. ew. now that would be gross. oops. sorry. i am…trying. but i am not succeeding today. there’s always tomorrow. and the next day. and the next. and the day after that. i am getting there. day by day.
Honestly, I have been raising babies for the past 15 years that I do not know how to begin the next phase of my life. I have written 3 picture books, have a bunch of illustrations not necessarily related to the books, and don’t know if I will ever hear back from the editors and agents that I sent to. I feel reallyout of sorts. I know that everyone in my position feels the same way. I see people from scbwi that have it all together, and I am happy for them but at the same time I feel like I will never be there. I haven’t even started yet, and I am already sounding like I’ve been trying for years. It’s only been 2 months. Even so! I am not good at waiting. It is like water torture. Drip, drip, drip…